Tr' Vel,

You are going to lose your bone/meat/cheese. Stop worrying about stupid shit. I understand that you love being proved right about distrusting people. You know very few men deserve your trust, 4 at this point, and no women at all. You have no reason to worry about anything but Alexaundrea. She's who cares about you. And as of yet, you haven't found in her any untruthfulness. Your last venture was an example for a lot of women in this world. We got burned. We learned a lesson. And before her, we got scorched. And before her, we got destroyed. So I understand, Brother. I know how shiesty these females can be, but you have the best one you know. Ha, do you understand that????? The best chick you know tells you she loves you!! You.fucking.Idiot! You need to appreciate her more! Now.

but just for tonight, let us be assured that we were not crazy. .She could not/can not/will not be trusted as far as they can be smelled. . Don't ever distrust your gut, G. Your gut has never spoken against Alex, until recently so keep her close.

After Tonight.

I'm humbled. .

I'm hardened.

I'm contemplative.

and

Apparently,

I ain't shit.

Yet.

God is Love. My Love is Music.

Therefore. . .

skip the title. . got to get this out before I lose the inspiration or the battery on my now dying computer. .

It amazes me how we, as humans, continuously become so possessive over things that, not only, Don't belong to us but Never did! Prime motherloving (sorry, Moms saw how vulgar my blog voice can be and it has me messed up. . I'll be back soon) example. Significant others. Unless you did some highly illegal incest type stuff, or you married your slave, your significant other will Never. . I repeat NEVER be Yours. A piece of paper (marriage license) or overly expensive ring will never prove such. We all crap (this is killing me!) sleep and eat and none of us have legitimate power over the other. They are going to do what makes them happy at the end of it all, if they have any sense, that is. And it perplexes me that we get so upset about such an infinitesimal aspect of our lives. I no longer believe in that "one soulmate" bs. Why not? I just told you, it's BS. Too many people on this world. Too many people on it before us. Too many similarities. Too many attractions. You don't "find a soulmate". You never will. You stop searching when you are content. As you should, but still, don't go out there thinking that there is only one. It's wishful thinking, but I mean, damn. - I now have to scroll to the top to see why I started this post. lol *This 2 Door cinema has me going*

Oh Right! Moral of the post, unless you date someone who hasn't had anyone before you, throw that possessiveness out of the window. Man is motivated by happiness and pleasure. If you are fitting, you will fill the void, there's rarely much more to it than that. Just to prove my point. . Divorce. You don't sincerely get married if you don't think they are "the ONE for you." So what happens? They stop being themselves? The selves they were born as and were before they knew you? Do all marriages end because somebody "changes" or are they no longer filling that void? Furthermore, to sort of stomp out that "soulmate" concept. How about that one little thing, ahh, you know, RE-MARRYING. And every time, they swear to the God they promised to that they're REALLY the one. FUCK outta here.

*wheewww, that felt good. =]

The fastest way to my heart. .

is through my music.

I have aunts, a mother, a grandmother, who cook for me and the food tastes damn good. Granted my woman should outlive them, food isn't a big thing for me. Don't buy me shit, it makes me feel awkward. Don't do me too many sexual favors because my cumming mannerisms will soon invoke some sort of insecurity. So you want to know what makes me click? My musiccc. *creepy CH voice* It sucks that my current girl doesn't like my music, and I don't like hers too much either. The thing is, women that I mess with, yelp that I don't let them in, but they know I live through my music. check my Recently Played or some shit. I have music for every mood. Music does something to me, much more than I have ever felt with a woman. Now music can't give me head so good to where I couldn't open my eyes or un-ball my toes for the life of me, but I do believe, if I let it, music can make me cry from pure bliss. . That, has never even come close to happening with a woman. Don't think it ever will. Know how I know? the best thing feeling a woman can give me is an orgasm. Know what else? I've had hundreds of those. Big. fucking. Deal. The woman that makes me feel so good that I don't need music, is the woman I will marry. Period.

Tat my fucking name on you so I know it's Real!

that is all. . .

I'll never trust another woman. .

Wouldn't u like to know how this pans out. . I'm sleepy and hungry. Give me till 2mrw.

for now, a little Zzzzz and I'm on my way back to Los Angeles.

I have to get a hold on my mouth. I talk too much.

always wanted to write this down.

I gambled twice. Lost twice.

next time, it's death.

"You're a dog"

I cannot recollect being referred to as such. But if the day ever comes, she won't get much of a rebuttal from me. On second thought, she damn sure will, just not on the grounds that she intends to hurt me with. I'm easily pleased, I try my hardest to be loyal to those who have been loyal to me. I eat and shit like there's something tearing away the lining of my stomach. But. I have no master. I don't, at this moment, depend on anyone. And I'm as possessive as they come. So much so, it bothers me dearly. I can be incredibly happy with the girl I'm with, Alexaundrea Nicole Smith, (like I said, I love blogger because I can say names.) but it would bother me to see another chick move on. And the effed up part about it is, I move on at the speed of grease lightening! Plus, our breaking up is my doing. . For any of them. And what's confusing is, I have great reasoning for leaving them so I don't want them back, I just. . Don't want to see them happy somewhere else? That can't be it. I'm not that fucked up of a person. Maybe I am. . Maybe it isn't fucked up at all. Maybe I'm living too much like a Christian, ignoring my inner voice/being. Telling me to live for Tr'Vel. The one who finds logic in telling someone what they need to hear. The one who sees friends dating friends at the age of 19 COMPLETELY fine. The one who loves interracial dating but wouldn't date a white woman if she was literally named the most perfect woman on earth. The one who. . aww shit you get the point. This world has created too many rules before me and I'm beginning to despise them. My heart is too big and my brain is too wide. I overthink and overreact, a dangerous combination. I've been holding in a lot. . Maybe u can tell, maybe you can't.