jumpstart is the word.

I really enjoy(ed) coming back here and looking at my old trains of thought. It now sucks that so much of this space was dedicated to one or two people. One is out of my life completely. Good for her. The other is still around but slightly to my chagrin. She's gotta make her exit soon. and her too. I have issues writing now and I hope getting stuff out here will jumpstart my brain every now and again. It is my hope that I can frequent this place throughout the year. No promises just yet.

I'm really doing homework in Harvard library.

God is great.

In Other News..

All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is on meeeyyyy. All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is ON mey. All of these bitches is ON meeeyyyy.

How am I so hurt and I did the breaking up? Fuckkk shitt.... lol

(in regards to my ANS posts.)

When you realize you wrote the same post 2 weeks apart from each other so you know it's real.

When does the real healing take place?

Every goddamn day.

Spent years bitching about how I needed to let you go. And how I knew it was coming. And How I was a demon and you an angel and I was only holding you back. And it was only a matter of time. and look at me now. Can't take a sip of water without thinking of you. Spending every day in regret, inundated with what ifs. If only I woke up in 1827 Veteran with you by my side. But then I wake up. And I realize that.. Life doesn't work like that. And you're gone. And it will never be the same if it is Ever again. TBH I wouldn't want it to be the same. But with every passing day I feel as though there is a shift in energy and you're doing just fine and have completely healed. actually, bullshit. there's a piece of me that THINKS you still think of me, but that's the side that's full of shit. You're really gone. wow.

A year later. I still run it all back in my head. Wishing I had done everything better. with more maturity. Wishing I never hurt you. Wishing I didn't blow my blessing off. but I'm immediately confronted with the realizations that we'll never be and may not have been meant to be. I'll never be in love again.