While there isn't nothing special about my schlong, there is something special about me. I'm starting to come to terms with that. I begun to realize that I'm in the process of making my life. No longer are we (my peers and I) kids relying on the phrase "When I grow up" but we are young adults who are watching some of our friends die and others get pregnant. This is our lives. Unfortunately, the aim of this post was not to make it a education rant. I've tarnished my exclusivity. Too often my word has been overturned. Too often I've gone back to a situation that I knew was faulty. Even more often I have given myself, physically, to a female partner who did not prove worthy. Yes, worthy. If women can put a worth on to their, sometimes, whack ass vagina, then I damn sure can put a wealth on my schlong. I've fallen into the habit of breaking promises to myself but I need not go around dipping my man in every wet jacuzzi. I need to have a sense of limit.

So, if you would like to give me head, I'll take it. But sex? If you're not my girlfriend, forget about it.

My life is a bad fucking joke right now.

The girl I (was) in love with leaves me for a nigga named Jesus. The girl I love tells me she loves me still. "Man I couldn't tell u where the fuck my head is, I'm holding on by thread, it's like I'm high right now."

Damn.

This confirms that I definitely do have feelings, man. I miss her so fucking much. Like I can't even pick my phone up to hit up another girl. She's who I want. I'm pretty sad right now.

She says. .

her heart is heavy.

I don't know what the FUCK happened, because it seemed we were so happy but she says her heart is heavy and she's asking me to skip workouts so we can talk 2mrw. Lord knows I hate missing workouts, and I hate these talks even more. My behavior has not been out of the ordinary, so I'm confused on what the topic would be. Maybe she feels we're moving too fast. Maybe she feels like she's losing herself. Maybe I'm to blame for that. I don't know. I'm pretty sure that's it though. And I don't mind slowing down. I know I'm not going to have sex with her so I really don't mind JUST kissing her. I'm really confused. I don't even know if I should hit her back or what. . fuck.

No turning back.

What started out as SayGoodbye2Hollywood, went to Welcome2myrecovery, became Recoverypostponed, then branched out to therecoverycontinues, and then fell to recoverypostponedx and somehow turned into lifeislongbekind. . . is dead. For good. You'd be surprised by how powerful the act of deleting is.