The End of Era.

Maybe. After more than a decade of tireless dedication, I think it's finally over. Masturbation has become as frivolous as ironing a rope. (terrible analogy, but it was the first goodish one to come to mind.) I have been giving myself orgasms for Years, in some instances stating that it felt better than sex, but now it's not even worth the lotion I use. Maybe this is my punishment. Such a cruel cruel condemning from the Creator. I suspect that if ever I kill a man, I will lose my taste for music. Since it will be the equivalent of death anyway. I didn't find it necessary to blog here when I made it to Spain. I didn't find it necessary to blog here when I made it to Africa. But masturbation isn't enjoyable anymore, gotta write this down! haha terrible.

And I shall return Shaquille Sunflower

 Skip to 6:42

I've been searching for something that's not there and it fucking sucks.
I keep reaching out and getting slapped back down to reality. it's just not there.

I won't get very specific in this post because it gets deep and there's a void in many of the aspects of my life but I need help. I need

Relief.

I need revitalization.

I definitely may come back from Europe calling myself Sunflower or some shit. lol

but really.

Moral Schizophrenia

might as well be my middle name.

Fuck. 

So many things I'm moved to do and either don't know why I do or end up just hating the fact that I did it. 

Corny shit. 

Lame shit. 

Hurtful shit. 

Despicable shit. 

Dumb shit. 

Thirsty shit. 

Just things that if I harbor on for 2 minutes, I'm going to regret. I really don't like that I do it and do it so often. I really need to rectify the situation. 

Hopefully it will get better with time because I do it a lot less now. and I would like to think that I'm maturing.

BUT

the impulses are stronger when they occur. which could spell disaster. 

Today is June 13th.

I will be participating in a graduation ceremony at UCLA today. I will put on a gown and a hat that signify I have completed my degree. 

I don't understand what is happening. lol 

My emo post may follow this one but at this very moment I'm nearly speechless. I just cannot believe that I am finishing my undergraduate degree. I'm not super proud of myself to where I wear a fucking smirk everywhere I go. And I'm not going to downplay it enough to not attend the three ceremonies. 

But I really don't know how to feel. I know I have a cry in me though. I feel it. Because I'm happy. 

Yeah, I'm happy. 

laaa daaaaa da dahh

All I write is papers.
All I write is papers. 

I'ma muhfucking.....
I'ma muhfucking.....

All I write is papers. Papers. 
All I pop is collars. Collars. 

I'm a muhfucking SCHOLAR. 
I'm a muhfucking SCHOLAR. SCHOLAR. 

Years Later

And I'm still finding out how much of a hoe you were(/are. [Promiscuity] ain't never squashed, it slow down sometimes.) 
That is some serious debauchery.

fuck.

And everyone except Vanessa wanted me to be blind.
She a real one for that.