Hey.

Your face. You know, that thing that covers your skull?

I hate that shit.

that is all.

The second that I take these braces off. . which at this point is about 400+ days away, I want to smash and burn them.

that is all.

Well this is confusing. .

To my love,

It has become apparent that I do not want to go days without interaction with you, (euphemism for 'cannot live without you') and that is something I'm okay with. At times I feel like we will not last but those days are brilliantly combated whenever I see you or am around you. While my youth beckons me to live recklessly, bouncing from woman to woman, indulging in my young age, it is my overwhelmingly deep attachment to you that keeps me from doing anything that would hurt you.

lost train of thought. .

it's currently 5:30 in the morning.

I feel casually clingy, which I know is an oxymoron but it is just crazy. I want you, if I was to have anybody. No other girl is as reliable and supportive, and outright beautiful to top it off. You're easily one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, and without a doubt the most beautiful I have ever been with. Yes, sometimes I feel like you do not, and will not understand me. Yes, our views on life are completely skewed but . . more like 'so'. . why are you dealing with me and vice versa? Do you only like the idea of me in a very Tyler Perry-esque type of way? Meaning, "intelligent, God-fearing, Black men are so hard to find. If you get one, hold on to them Are you battling your inner thoughts (couldn't think of another phrase) only in hopes that you'll convert me to Christianity and completely my views altogether. If you seek to ultimately change me then I'm utterly saddened to tell you that you are wasting your time.

I love you.
always will.
I don't want to see you with any other person. Sadly, if that happens, I will not want to further communication with you.
At least not at this point.
And I think that you'd be okay with that anyway.

No caption needed, love. I just hope you know.

The next broad I hear say something like, "I think like a guy," I know what's up. All three chicks I've heard say this and dealt with afterwards. . Weren't.exactly.frigid. smh

I think their sexual habits bother me so much because their recklessness puts me in danger. And since some diseases could take years to appear, I'm still not in the clear. All I do is just shake my head. This picture is 100% true, word to moms.

I absolutely hate the way I've been feeling.

I love feeling feelings. I just hate not knowing why I am feeling them. Is something missing? Is something too much?

I really think it's Alex. She hasn't been acting the same and my brain has been WONDERING. Like. Crazy. I've almost convinced myself that she wants to be with someone else. Just about. I've pulled two UNNECESSARY AS FUCK all nighters and I've had shit food and I've shat for dear life all in the last 3 days. Oh and I haven't lifted at all. It's safe to say that week 9 is a big fat FAIL. Fuckkkk, Alexaundrea. It sucks the most because I know you're affecting me like this. I don't want anyone else. You're a perfect fit in my life right now. I've been playing "Clean" all day because of you.

"Say what you will. Say what you meann. You could never offend. Your dirty words come out clean...." *continues to sing in my head.

Tr' Vel,

You are going to lose your bone/meat/cheese. Stop worrying about stupid shit. I understand that you love being proved right about distrusting people. You know very few men deserve your trust, 4 at this point, and no women at all. You have no reason to worry about anything but Alexaundrea. She's who cares about you. And as of yet, you haven't found in her any untruthfulness. Your last venture was an example for a lot of women in this world. We got burned. We learned a lesson. And before her, we got scorched. And before her, we got destroyed. So I understand, Brother. I know how shiesty these females can be, but you have the best one you know. Ha, do you understand that????? The best chick you know tells you she loves you!! You.fucking.Idiot! You need to appreciate her more! Now.

but just for tonight, let us be assured that we were not crazy. .She could not/can not/will not be trusted as far as they can be smelled. . Don't ever distrust your gut, G. Your gut has never spoken against Alex, until recently so keep her close.