Tuesday, September 6, 2011

"You're a dog"

I cannot recollect being referred to as such. But if the day ever comes, she won't get much of a rebuttal from me. On second thought, she damn sure will, just not on the grounds that she intends to hurt me with. I'm easily pleased, I try my hardest to be loyal to those who have been loyal to me. I eat and shit like there's something tearing away the lining of my stomach. But. I have no master. I don't, at this moment, depend on anyone. And I'm as possessive as they come. So much so, it bothers me dearly. I can be incredibly happy with the girl I'm with, Alexaundrea Nicole Smith, (like I said, I love blogger because I can say names.) but it would bother me to see another chick move on. And the effed up part about it is, I move on at the speed of grease lightening! Plus, our breaking up is my doing. . For any of them. And what's confusing is, I have great reasoning for leaving them so I don't want them back, I just. . Don't want to see them happy somewhere else? That can't be it. I'm not that fucked up of a person. Maybe I am. . Maybe it isn't fucked up at all. Maybe I'm living too much like a Christian, ignoring my inner voice/being. Telling me to live for Tr'Vel. The one who finds logic in telling someone what they need to hear. The one who sees friends dating friends at the age of 19 COMPLETELY fine. The one who loves interracial dating but wouldn't date a white woman if she was literally named the most perfect woman on earth. The one who. . aww shit you get the point. This world has created too many rules before me and I'm beginning to despise them. My heart is too big and my brain is too wide. I overthink and overreact, a dangerous combination. I've been holding in a lot. . Maybe u can tell, maybe you can't.

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